Practical Psychology is a weekly newspaper column I have been writing for over 20 years. It is designed to address psychological topics that are most useful to its readers. Please feel free to re-print any of them in any form you wish. I ask only that you give the information about how to subscribe and credit for authorship. Thanks.

CONVERTING GUILT TO FREEDOM
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Guilt is a powerful motivator. I am regularly amazed by how much of our activity is energized by guilt. Some people spend all their waking hours performing tasks in order to "justify" what they are doing, or because they feel somehow "obligated" to do it. The "workaholic" who spends 16 hours a day on the job, drives himself in order to "justify his existence" as if job-performance was the price required for his ticket to ride in life.

Often guilt-motivated people become resentful and fatigued (burned out?) due to the frustration and confusion of constantly doing what they think they "should" be doing or "have to" do, rather than what they "choose" to do, or what they "want to do."

One clinical definition of guilt is: "Resentment, usually kept inside, over perceived and unwanted obligations." For example: we don't want to leave an aged parent alone while we go out to the movies. We feel obligated to stay with this parent. We resent that we are not doing what we would enjoy. We keep that resentment inside, because to express it would be hurtful to our lonely parent. We feel guilty if we choose to stay home because we have abandoned our perceived obligation to ourselves to have an enjoyable, entertaining experience. We feel guilty if we go to the movies, because we have abandoned our perceived obligation to take care of the needs of the parent. Either way, we are entrapped by guilt.

Parents learn rather quickly, the power of inducing guilt in their offspring. It works to get children to obey, to modify their behavior, to control them, and even to punish them. "All that pain I went through to give birth to you,...all that I have sacrificed for your benefit, and you treat me THIS way?" Hearing such parental messages on a regular basis, builds the foundation for a lifetime of acting out of guilt, rather than from personal desire, or personal values (what is really important to you).

Sometimes we convert what we truly want into a sense of obligation. For example, let's say a person really wants to help others, to be of service to others, to experience the joy of genuine altruism. She decides to become a health professional, a nurse. She trains to be a nurse. She becomes one, and then converts her sense of altruism into a sense of obligation. Obligation to work hard and long hours, "because the need is so great." Obligation to sacrifice all personal activities on the alter of "service to others." She has manipulated herself into doing what she wanted to do in the first place. But now, what she does is out of the burden of guilt...not choice, and the probability of professional burn-out is increased.

Choice means you are free to "do it" or "not do it." The nurse has a choice whether or not to practice nursing, but thereafter allowed herself to believe that she had no choice. She began forcing herself to do what she thought she "had to do." When her actions become based upon guilt (that unwanted sense of obligation), she will find it almost impossible to decide what really matters to her, what she enjoys, what would be fulfilling to her.

Of course, guilt is not confined to individuals. Charlie Kiefer, the founder of Innovation Associates, has written: "Virtually all contemporary organizations are built on obligation---obligation of the employee to the company, obligation of the company to the employee. With obligation so pervasive, it is no wonder that there is little room for people to consider what they want. Consequently, there cannot be genuine commitment. The best we can produce is a kind of highly energetic compliance with our obligations, whether it be to the task at hand, to other employees, to keeping the job, or even compliance to the company vision and values."

Some antidotes for guilt are: self-forgiveness; personal commitment; exercising choice; risking action based on what really matters to you; self-affirmation; creating what you want; and self-acceptance. Each of these characteristics, when practiced, lead to relief of guilt.

The recognition of your guilt-based actions, and the practice of free choice can lead you to a creative, guilt-free lifestyle. Freedom is the universal antidote for guilt. Freedom...choose it deliberately, use it wisely, or lose it certainly.

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

Dr. Thomas also serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training and the International University of Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) the book: *Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice*and Your Life!* (W.W. Norton 2005) available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

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