THE 4 TEMPERAMENTS: CLUES TO COMMUNICATING WELL WITH OTHERS
By Caron B. Goode, Ph.D.

Having effective interactions with others communication requires being aware of your energy and how you direct it, but it also requires considering the well being of everyone involved in your interactions.

You want to follow the win/win formula for professional relationship-building. That means any project that creates a "win" for you but a "loss" for another person doesn't meet the criteria for win/win relationships or success-centered communications?

How do you speak to people in a way they will hear? Success-centered communication requires understanding the temperaments of those with whom you interact. For example, when talking to a person who relies on intuitive information or hunches to negotiate life, you might use a phrase like this: "My gut tells me that this is a great opportunity. After doing some research, I think I know why." The point is to build rapport by referencing and reflecting their style of processing information.

Four Basic Temperaments
Understanding basic temperaments of people (including yourself) will greatly enhance your ability to connect with others. Temperaments called Thinking, Sensing, Feeling, and Intuiting represent four ways people view the world. Your own temperament acts as your strongest filter; it helps you makes sense of your environment and relationships.

The way you perceive and process information is also influenced by where you choose to focus your energy. For example, an introvert focuses more on the inner world of thoughts, feelings, and intuition while an extrovert focuses more in the external world.

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist who developed this method for interpreting temperament, believed that if you understood your natural approach to life, you would have greater success in your endeavors. If you could work in an environment supportive of where you best focus your energy, you would be living true to your natural temperament and gifts. When you become aware of each of Jung's approaches to processing information so that you can:

  • Develop flexibility in relation to the behaviors of others.
  • Relate to others with acceptance.
  • Intuit underlying energies and read the nonverbal messages in a situation.
  • Build rapport based on your needs and those of others.
  • Focus on creating Win/Win situations.

    • Four Styles At A Glance

    Processing Style

    To Enhance Your Traits

    To Expand Your Growth

    Thinking

    Focus through mental imagery

    Expand positive focus and thought

    Explore your intuition

    Change negative beliefs

    Sensing

    Use Take-3 breath work to enhance your flow

    Explore emotional expression

    Feeling

    Use intuitive feedback to verify your emotional sensing

    Develop mental imagery

    Intuiting

    Use breathing to stay grounded and feel into your body

    Focus through mental training

    Remember, human beings respond to and support those who are sensitive to their needs and goals. If you want others to care about you and your needs, both present and future, show you care about them now.

    The Thinking Style
    If you are a Thinker, you process information in a logical way and look for rational answers to questions. You are good at intellectualizing and defining the viewpoints of a situation. You put order into your world. You look for the reasons underlying the circumstances. You can take the facts and offer a new meaning or interpretation. You can draw insight from situations and help others see the logic in them. You bring strength to the situation by presenting facts that support the bigger picture or the common good.

    Do you strongly identify with the Thinking temperament? If so, ask yourself the following questions to see where you might impose limits yourself. Notice in particular the question you answer "yes" to and consider these as areas for expanding your repertoire of skills.

    1. Can you see beyond facts?
    2. Do you find yourself uninterested in personal feelings?
    3. Do you need to be right?
    4. Do you want everyone to agree or accept your view?
    5. Do you lose sight of the bigger picture in favor of the facts?
    6. Are you reliable?
    7. Do you distort logic to justify your position?
    8. Is your fact finding an end in itself?
    9. Is your intellectualizing compulsive or laborious to others?
    10. Do you deny, repress, or rationalize feelings?
    11. Do you believe your view is absolute truth?

    The Sensing Style
    If you are of the Sensing temperament, people find you dependable and a person of action. You seek an action plan, order objectives, and establish procedures. You bring balance and order to a situation. People rely on you to get things done and consider you o be a realist. You are a reasonable person who accepts the flow of life. You can take things at face value and don't need to look beyond that for mystery or magical answers. You can be artistic, creative, and inspiring as long as you have the real world as your anchor.

    Sensing Questionnaire
    Your opportunities for growth show up when you answer "yes" to the following questions.

    1. Do you solely value traditional approaches, beyond new ideas or broader visions?
    2. Do you try to control situations beyond what is healthy for the common good?
    3. Do you become irrational if your suggested order is not followed?
    4. Do you rely solely on sensory input to the detriment of your intuition?
    5. Do you need more-than-average time to assimilate impressions and mull over results?
    6. Do you rely solely on your data and impressions over others' input?
    7. Do you find yourself fixated on persons or situations in the external world?
    8. Are you impatient? Are you quick to judge others?
    9. Do others call you too competitive?
    10. Are you impulsive, sometimes taking action before the time is right?

    The Feeling Style
    If Feeling is your main processing style, you seek emotional harmony in most situations. You are able to glean discord in a relationship and develop empathy and compassion for people. You value people and relationships over life's data or business. Because you trust emotions as your primary means of relationship, you may be naive about the real world and too trusting in various circumstances. You contribute to business by attaching proper value and ordering the feelings of people according to what you feel is most important in the moment. You derive your joy from interactions with others, and they provide you with deeper energy connections in return. Because you can feel what others need, they may call you for advice and seek your counsel. You value genuineness and authenticity. Because you feel more deeply than others, you can be a true catalyst for change and reform.

    Feeling Questionnaire
    Use the following questions to review your relationships with others and see what opportunities for growth they present.

    1. Do others see you as idealistic and not always realistic?
    2. Do you get too involved in others' lives and take on their emotions as if they were your own?
    3. Do you eschew "playing the game" in favor of being real and therefore miss opportunities?
    4. Do you miss the bigger picture because you can only see the emotional web?
    5. Do you express and justify emotions to an irrational extent?
    6. Do your colleagues find you gullible?
    7. Are you a perfectionist, demanding that others meet your standards?
    8. Do you care too much, possibly overextending your concern and care taking?
    9. Are you impractical?
    10. Do you over-obligate yourself because you perceive that you are the only one who can feel, understand or remedy the situation appropriately?

    The Intuiting Style
    If you are an Intuitive, your perception isn't always rational or logical, but rather insightful and creative. Because you can feel or sense the underlying pulse, you offer deeper meaning when the obvious cues don't provide answers. You can uncover hidden agendas, feelings, and nonverbal cues. When you do this, you provide people with a better overview of the bigger picture. Thus, you can establish an order to other people's ideas and feelings. You can listen, intuit, and reflect for others a deeper truth, a vision, or a more creative solution. Your colleagues call you creative and inspiring. You like to stay open to new possibilities, take risks, and find adventure. Sometimes, an intuitive needs an adequate form of expression for what others consider mystical. You are a dreamer and a visionary, and can lead well.

    Intuiting Questionnaire
    As you read this set of questions, feel deeply about the truth of each one. Are there opportunities here to become more grounded, play broader roles, and expand your creativity?

    1. Do others label you irrational and illogical much of the time?
    2. Do you disrespect traditions?
    3. Do you break down barriers without regard for the consequences?
    4. Do you follow your internal values or personal truth at the expense of or without regard to others?
    5. Do you leap ahead impulsively without finding out all of the facts?
    6. Do you have difficulty making or keeping commitments?
    7. Do you finish tasks thoroughly, keeping track of details?
    8. Do you advise others strongly, and are you personally invested in them taking your advice?
    9. Do your friends or coworkers describe you as ungrounded?
    10. Do you neglect your body, health, or home?

    Use this information helps you see how other people can contribute to your business and relationships in positive ways by bringing different styles and strengths into play.

    Please note that this information is not meant to pigeonhole you and others into a particular category as predictable and ordinary. Rather, these styles help you picture your viewpoint, value the perspectives of others, and build relationships that will expand your talents. This, in turn, supports you in meeting and overcoming challenges.

    Dr. Caron Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, which trains and certifies mentors for parents and families. Sign up for the announcement list at www.acpi.biz. This article is an excerpt of her most recent book, Nurture Your Child Gift, that teaches and speaks about whole child parenting. Sign up for the free online magazine at www.inspiredparenting.net. Reach Caron at caronbgoode@earthlink.net.

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