Practical Psychology is a weekly newspaper column I have been writing for over 20 years. It is designed to address psychological topics that are most useful to its readers. Please feel free to re-print any of them in any form you wish. I ask only that you give the information about how to subscribe and credit for authorship. Thanks.

FEEDBACK
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

It is always important to receive information about ourselves. Such information helps us learn who we are, and how we affect others. It may also give us valuable knowledge about those people who give us such information.

"Feedback" is the term currently used to label the information we give or receive, about ourselves and others. The term comes from the language of the guided-missile system. Electronic feedback is sent from the missile regarding its course. It is then processed and "fed back" by the control station to the missile. The missile uses this feedback to correct its course or perform other tasks sent to it by the control station.

As in the guided-missile system, feedback helps an individual keep his behavior "on target" and provides him with information usable to better achieve his goals, or even more accurately define his relationships to others.

Here are some guidelines for giving and receiving useful feedback:

1. Feedback is descriptive (usually of one's own feelings, thoughts, or opinions), rather than evaluative. By describing one's own reaction, it leaves the receiver free to use it or not to use it, as s/he sees fit. By avoiding evaluative language (e.g. "You should have...", "You ought to have...," etc.), you reduce the need for the receiver to react defensively.

2. It is specific rather than general. To be told that one is "dominating" is not as useful as to be told that "Just now, I felt forced to accept your arguments or I felt afraid you would attack me in some way."

3. It takes into account the needs of both the receiver and giver of the feedback. Feedback can be destructive, when it serves only your own needs, and fails to consider the needs of the person on the receiving end.

4. It is solicited, rather than imposed or "volunteered." Feedback is most useful when the receiver himself has asked the kind of question, which those observing him can answer. It is always important to take the risk of asking for feedback from others. It invites you to get valuable information about you, as well as, information about the giver of the feedback.

5. It is well-timed. In general, feedback is most usefully given at the earliest opportunity, after the given behavior is observed (depending, of course, on the person's readiness to hear it, support available from others, etc.).

6. It is directed toward the behavior about which the receiver can do something. Frustration is only increased, when a person is reminded of some shortcoming over which he has no control.

7. It is checked to insure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the receiver try to rephrase the feedback according to his/her understanding and see if it corresponds with what the sender had in mind, (e.g. "Will you tell me what your understanding is, of what I just said to you?").

8. When feedback is given in a group, both giver and receiver have the opportunity to check with others in the group, the accuracy of the feedback. "Is this feedback one person's impression or is this impression shared by others?"

Feedback, then, is a way of giving assistance; it is a corrective mechanism for the individual who wants to learn how well his behavior matches his intentions. It is one means for establishing one's own identity...for answering the question: "Who am I, and how do I come across to others?"

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

Dr. Thomas also serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training and the International University of Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) the book: *Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice*and Your Life!* (W.W. Norton 2005) available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

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