Practical Psychology is a weekly newspaper column I have been writing for over 20 years. It is designed to address psychological topics that are most useful to its readers. Please feel free to re-print any of them in any form you wish. I ask only that you give the information about how to subscribe and credit for authorship. Thanks.

ANXIETY ATTACKS
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

It's not difficult to communicate effectively every day; it just takes awareness, intention, and lots of established, health-giving habits. These six steps lead to developing strong communications habits:
1) Be aware of your energy and how you direct it
2) Set an intention for each interaction
3) Hold a vision
4) Expect success
5) Practice the basics of good communications
6) Appreciate the opportunity to share/communicate/win

1. Be Aware of Your Energy and How You Direct It
You can set a positive tone or a negative tone in every interaction. Which kind of communications style do you want to be known for?

Learn to monitor your energy throughout the day and make appropriate adjustments to your schedule as possible. If your energy is not where it needs to be for a big meeting, find ways to stimulate and energize yourself before that appointment using the tools described here. After applying these tools, if your attitude is not what you want it to be before an important conversation, reschedule the talk.

Practice the following actions until they become habits:

  • How do you feel today?
  • What can you accomplish today?
  • What will give you joy today?
  • What can you do for others to give them joy?
  • Think about something that delights you.
  • Think about your favorite color or colors.
  • Take three deep, connected breaths.
  • Stretch your arms out in front of you, open them wide, open your chest.
  • Stretch your arms out above your head, grow as tall as you can be.
  • Bend down, touch your toes, feel the stretch in your back lengthening your body.
  • Think about something that gives you pleasure.
  • Think about someone you love.
  • Know you have the energy reserves to do anything you want to do.

    • 2. Set an Intention for Each Interaction
    Setting an intention is as simple as deciding what you want. Making a decision about how you want a meeting or event to turn out sets things in motion on that energy plane of interaction. It paves the way for success, providing you avoid negative energy distractions along the way.

    Practice the following actions until they become habits:

  • What do you want to happen today?
  • Set an intention for how you want your workday to go.
  • Set an intention for how you want a conversation to go.
  • Set an intention for how you want a meeting to go.
  • Set an intention for how you want a document to turn out.
  • Set an intention for how you want an event to turn out.
  • Set an intention for how you want your evening to be.
  • Set an intention for how energetic you want to feel.
  • Set an intention for how deeply you want to sleep.

    • 3. Hold A Vision
    Many people use visualization techniques to relax and energize themselves. They also use imagery as a means of reprogramming their mental processes for success.

    Before your next big interaction, spend time imagining how best it might happen. Play out the event in your mind, seeing the very best outcome at every turn. Imagine how it will feel to reach this milestone, know the success of this effort, experience the glory of this day, savor the joy of this moment. Visualize the event as fully and with as much feeling as you can muster.

    Practice the following actions until they become habits... Ask yourself:

  • What is my vision for this event?
  • How will it look?
  • How will it feel?
  • How will it smell?
  • How will it taste?
  • How will it meet my goals?
  • How will it move my company forward?
  • How do I want to feel during this event?
  • How do I want to feel after this event?
  • What is the most positive outcome possible as a result of this event?
  • What kind of energy do I need to create effective interactions with people?

    • 4. Expect Success
    Just as it is important to set an intention and visualize your success, it's also important to believe in yourself and what you are doing. Your belief in the value of your contribution inspires others to support you and believe in you, too. It also gives them permission to believe in themselves and their contributions.

    Expecting good and prosperous things to come from your efforts follows from creating effective interactions. It's the extension in the golf swing, the power in the tennis lob, the knowledge that you are lined up and on the right track in all that you're doing.

    Practice the following actions until they become habits... Ask yourself:

  • Do I believe in my ability to energize my communications for optimal effectiveness?
  • Do I expect success in every undertaking?
  • Do I anticipate things will go my way?
  • Do I believe in my ability to inspire others?
  • Do I expect this day to deliver dividends?
  • Do I anticipate opportunity at every turn?
  • Do I believe I can make a positive difference today?
  • Do I deserve joy in my life?

    • 5. Practice the Basics of Good Communications
    Good communications skills are the cornerstone of effective interactions. If you can remember just five basics, you'll sharpen your communication abilities significantly. They are:
    1. Be present, here and now.
    2. Express yourself clearly and briefly.
    3. Be an active listener.
    4. Acknowledge the speaker.
    5. Repeat main points for accuracy and understanding.
    6. Honing your writing skills.

    1. Being present simply means stay tuned in to your companion, associate or the speaker. Avoid letting passing people distract you. Avoid allowing your mind to wander. Avoid the tendency to interrupt. Stay focused on the individual and the content.

    2. Expressing yourself clearly and briefly says it all. You simply need to practice this kind of communication.

    3. Being an active listener is learning to listen carefully and attentively. Listen to the tone of the speaker, stress or lack of stress in the voice for clues as to where that individual's energy is at the moment. Listen to what is being said, as well as what is not. An active listener listens intently so that the speaker's ideas and feelings don't go in one ear and out the other. An active listener listens intelligently and relates the information to what is going on in his professional and/or personal life.

    Have you ever noticed how some people can dance all around an issue, but never get to the center of it? And others find it too difficult to address an issue at all?

    Listening to what is not being said can be just as important as listening to the words you hear. When you notice that someone is avoiding an issue or simply unable to confront it, consult your intuitive self to determine whether or not it is appropriate for you to bring up the subject directly. There are times when only you can create a safe space for a topic to be discussed. And sometimes, simply hearing what is not being said communicates volumes.

    4. Acknowledging the speaker is a polite way to communicate that you are listening and understanding what is being said. You can do this with nods, facial expressions and comments such as "I see," "Okay," "Yes," "Sure," "Right" and "I understand." When you acknowledge the speaker, you let that individual know that you are following their line of reasoning, relating to their explanations, and tracking with their logic. Acknowledgement gives the speaker permission to leave one subject and proceed to the next with the knowledge that you are ready for that transition.

    5. Repeating the main points for accuracy and understanding not only reinforces the information in your memory; it allows the speaker to correct any misinterpretations of his or her talk. You also get the opportunity to pose a relevant question that needs answering. Repeating the main points back to the speaker ensures that your understanding is satisfactory. It also allows the speaker to amplify and clarify those subjects that are complex and in need of additional examples.

    6. Honing your writing skills so you can be understood when you communicate via the written word-that includes electronic messages as well as on paper.

    These six areas summarize the basics of good communication. Practice the following actions until they become habits:

  • Are you present (not lost in thought) and ready to fully engage with the speaker?
  • Are you interacting with clear and brief comments?
  • Are you striving to be an active listener, rather than a distracted audience?
  • Are you frequently showing the speaker you are hearing his or her message?
  • Are you asking questions, repeating the main points and giving the speaker the opportunity to clarify statements?
  • Are you staying alert and allowing your energy to stimulate you and activate relevant memories and knowledge pertaining to the speaker's message?
  • Are you interacting in an appropriate way considering the other people hearing this message?
  • Are you in a learning and absorbing frame of mind?
  • Are you allowing yourself to enjoy this experience?
  • Are you interacting in an effective way?
  • Are you able to communicate well in writing?
  • Are you able to use the written word with precision?
  • Do you enjoy the writing process and how it makes you feel?

    • 6. Appreciate The Opportunity To Share/Communicate/Win
    As you become more familiar with these six steps for developing effective communications habits, you will see that they are really a formula for communications success. When you experience success, savor it. Enjoy the moment. Allow your energy bodies to swell with joy and fulfillment. Be happy. Be appreciative.

    When you take time to appreciate the opportunities to share, communicate and win, you immerse yourself in a stream of positive and creative energy. Your awareness enlarges that stream into a river of expanded ability and opportunity to magnetize what you want into your life.

    Practice joy. Appreciate the good that comes your way. Have fun!

    Practice the following actions until they become habits:

  • What are you grateful for today?
  • Think about something else to appreciate right now.
  • Think about a third thing that delights you.
  • Think about those three things, hold pictures of them in your mind, and breath in a deep, appreciative breath for the joy in your life.
  • What do you like about your job?
  • Take a moment to appreciate your life.
  • Be thankful for your family.
  • Take a moment to appreciate your friends.
  • Think about the wonder of you!
  • Make a point of finding things to appreciate all day long.
  • Help others see things to appreciate in their lives.
  • Applaud your expanding awareness of how energy works in your life.

    • Success Grows
    By now you have an understanding of how to create effective interactions in your life. As you learn to better manage your energy, employ clear and heartfelt expressions, and work with the formula for effective communications, the quality of your interactions will grow significantly. And with that, your success both professionally and personally also grows. As your ability to effectively interact with others grows, you will discover how well your words inform, entertain, persuade, inspire, and motivate. You will become a great communicator in your community, and people will seek out your counsel and your company.

    Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

    Dr. Thomas also serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training and the International University of Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) the book: *Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice*and Your Life!* (W.W. Norton 2005) available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

    Return to Article Index